The male-half

 Ok, so now that I'm caught up, I'd like to take a minute to tell you about my boyfriend.  Not in a disgusting lovey-dovey way (because even though I could, you don't want to read it), just more of an appreciative way.  See, he's the only person in this whole mess that hasn't laughed at me or tell me I was going to die up here (I already knew that, I didn't need everyone telling me).  He is from Minnesota (insert obligatory "Go Twins!" here because he loves baseball and doesn't give a damn if you think they suck - he's no fairweather fan) so he's been around this winter thing many times.  In fact, mid-west winters may be some of the worst in the US so I trust his judgement.  Mostly because I have none of my own.  I stand there looking lost and confused 95% of the time.  Add in cold and I am lost 150% of the time. Yes, I am perfectly aware that you can't have 150% of the time, it's called a hyperbole and I use them for dramatic effect.  Or as my mom would say, because I am a drama queen.  I am not a drama queen, I just am very expressive of my feelings. 

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.  I figured I would be proactive before I got up here, so I went online shopping for a winter coat. After about 3 days I decided I was hopelessly lost and asked said-named-bf to help me.  He knew exactly what I should get, a jacket with a removable fleece shell.  He even picked out the color because clearly I was on brain overload at the time and was unable to think for myself.

As soon as I got here, he also informed me I needed a flashlight, an emergency blanket, some kitty litter and some toilet paper. Someone else told me, I think his dad, that I needed a metal cup. Here is about how our conversation went:

"What's the kitty litter for?"
"So when you get stuck in the snow you can get out.  Put some under your tires and it gives some traction."

Refer to "Part 4" to see how well I heeded this advice.  More on this later...

"What is the cup for?"
"Because you have to melt the snow first before you drink it because if you just eat it, your body somethingsomethingsomthing."

I don't remember but I got the drift.

"What's the flashlight for"
"When it gets dark."

That should have been obvious but again, lost and confused 150% of the time when it comes to this subject. 

Well, I knew what the TP and blanket were for so I stopped the stupid questions.  At least for that day.  But since then I have literally turned to him for everything.  I mean, my mother is also a Floridian who thinks anything below 70 is freezing cold and my dad has lived in Florida since around 1970.  Clearly I was not getting any practical help from either of them.  So from which snow cleets should I get to do I really need those $16 wool socks that lady sold me? I asked the bf.  He's been helpful and wonderful and I wouldn't have gotten this far without him. But then came the day I got stuck on the ice.  He's not in Alaska at the moment, so I could only recount my story afterwards.

Him: "You used salt?"
Me: "Yeah, the black stuff in the barrels on base.  That's what they told me to use and it worked!"
"Why didn't you use kitty litter?"
"I didn't have any"
"I told you to get some."
"Yeah, but the salt totally worked just fine and now I have a whole bag in my car so I'm good to go."
"Babe, salt is going to corrode your car.  And it doesn't work when it gets really cold out.  You should put some kitty litter in your car."
"Yeah, but the salt..."
"I know what I'm talking about here"

This went on for a few more minutes before one of us changed the subject.  Honestly, who wants to fight about kitty litter?  Not me.

Which is why I now have some in my car.