The male-half

 Ok, so now that I'm caught up, I'd like to take a minute to tell you about my boyfriend.  Not in a disgusting lovey-dovey way (because even though I could, you don't want to read it), just more of an appreciative way.  See, he's the only person in this whole mess that hasn't laughed at me or tell me I was going to die up here (I already knew that, I didn't need everyone telling me).  He is from Minnesota (insert obligatory "Go Twins!" here because he loves baseball and doesn't give a damn if you think they suck - he's no fairweather fan) so he's been around this winter thing many times.  In fact, mid-west winters may be some of the worst in the US so I trust his judgement.  Mostly because I have none of my own.  I stand there looking lost and confused 95% of the time.  Add in cold and I am lost 150% of the time. Yes, I am perfectly aware that you can't have 150% of the time, it's called a hyperbole and I use them for dramatic effect.  Or as my mom would say, because I am a drama queen.  I am not a drama queen, I just am very expressive of my feelings. 

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.  I figured I would be proactive before I got up here, so I went online shopping for a winter coat. After about 3 days I decided I was hopelessly lost and asked said-named-bf to help me.  He knew exactly what I should get, a jacket with a removable fleece shell.  He even picked out the color because clearly I was on brain overload at the time and was unable to think for myself.

As soon as I got here, he also informed me I needed a flashlight, an emergency blanket, some kitty litter and some toilet paper. Someone else told me, I think his dad, that I needed a metal cup. Here is about how our conversation went:

"What's the kitty litter for?"
"So when you get stuck in the snow you can get out.  Put some under your tires and it gives some traction."

Refer to "Part 4" to see how well I heeded this advice.  More on this later...

"What is the cup for?"
"Because you have to melt the snow first before you drink it because if you just eat it, your body somethingsomethingsomthing."

I don't remember but I got the drift.

"What's the flashlight for"
"When it gets dark."

That should have been obvious but again, lost and confused 150% of the time when it comes to this subject. 

Well, I knew what the TP and blanket were for so I stopped the stupid questions.  At least for that day.  But since then I have literally turned to him for everything.  I mean, my mother is also a Floridian who thinks anything below 70 is freezing cold and my dad has lived in Florida since around 1970.  Clearly I was not getting any practical help from either of them.  So from which snow cleets should I get to do I really need those $16 wool socks that lady sold me? I asked the bf.  He's been helpful and wonderful and I wouldn't have gotten this far without him. But then came the day I got stuck on the ice.  He's not in Alaska at the moment, so I could only recount my story afterwards.

Him: "You used salt?"
Me: "Yeah, the black stuff in the barrels on base.  That's what they told me to use and it worked!"
"Why didn't you use kitty litter?"
"I didn't have any"
"I told you to get some."
"Yeah, but the salt totally worked just fine and now I have a whole bag in my car so I'm good to go."
"Babe, salt is going to corrode your car.  And it doesn't work when it gets really cold out.  You should put some kitty litter in your car."
"Yeah, but the salt..."
"I know what I'm talking about here"

This went on for a few more minutes before one of us changed the subject.  Honestly, who wants to fight about kitty litter?  Not me.

Which is why I now have some in my car.

My first 10 weeks, part 2 – snow gear

So a week or so after I got here, we got the first frost of the year.  And needless to say I was totally unprepared.  After thawing out my car by just turning it on and letting it run, I got to work.  And I explained to those around me that HOLY COW ITS FROSTY OUT THERE OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO?!!?!?  After the laughter stopped, we decided I needed 3 things:

1: An ice scrapper.  Not a little one, but a big one. 

2: Get the windshield wiper fluid that defrosts your windows.

3: Waterproof shoes.  Because my Florida tennis shoes that were mess on top were not going to cut it.

With my list, I go out into town.  I first stop at the sporting goods store.  I had been in there before, and I knew they had shoes.  So after trying on a few pairs, I settle on a nice pair of hiking boots.  Because, well, I want to go hiking too.  So I get some that are sturdy, cover my ankle, and are waterproof.  I am set to go.  Until she asks me, “Are you sure you don’t want to try these on with wool socks to make sure they fit right?”

Wool socks?  No one mentioned wool socks

“….*blank stare* No one told you about wool socks?  Cotton just won’t do up here.  Those are no good in winter.  Here, try these.”

Um, ok.  A $16 pair of socks.  I’m convinced she’s  just trying to get me to buy more but I comply anyway because I already feel stupid.  So, $120 later, I am on my way to the auto store in search for my other two items.

When I walk in, I ask the lady where I can find ice scrappers and windshield wiping fluid.  She says that they don’t have them out, it’s too early in the year.  But there have already been morning with frost, so I am convinced this lady is crazy.  I NEED this stuff, why couldn’t she see that?  Fortunately, the have what I need, just not on display.  Someone offers to get one for me.  They ask what size ice scrapper I need.  “One of the big ones with the brush on the end for snow,” I say, confident in my answer.  That’s what I had been told to ask for, so I know its going to get me what I need. 

Now, before I explain this last bit, let me first tell you my experience with ice scrappers.  My mother had one from one year her car got covered in frost and some passerby took pity on her and gave her one.  It is smaller than my dad’s iPhone , but I’ve grown up seeing it and I think this is a normal size.  I’m thinking a big one is maybe 8 inches long.  Enough for the handle in-between.  Imagine my surprise when the stock guy pulls out this 24 inch long thing with a broom on one end.  “This is the small size, but you don’t want this.  Hold on, I’ll get a bigger one.”

What.The.Hell.

“Here, this is the medium size one.  Its maybe 30 inches long, but we have one that’s 36 inches and has a telescoping handle!”  Um, yeah, my car isn’t that big.  I think the medium one will be just fine. “Are you sure?” Yep.  I grab this….broom thing and some anti-frost windshield stuff and hit the checkout.  The lady is pleased I have found what I have asked about.  This stop is much cheaper, only about $20.  I go to leave, but then I turn around, remembering I don’t know how to use said broom thing.  The lady laughs at me (I’ve gotten used to it at this point) and she explains I use the brush to sweep the snow away and the other end to scrape the ice.  I am still dumbfounded.  But the lady says that people here are friendly and will notice that I am clueless and will help me figure it all out when it snows.  Feeling confident in my new found snow gear, I leave the store and head back to base.  I just knew that with these three things, I could handle anything Kodiak threw at me.  I was ready.

I thought.